Excess Lipase and 400 oz of bad milk...

Despite my ups and downs with supply, I've managed to build a nice little freezer stash by pumping prior to returning to work. Like so many others, I had planned to use the frozen milk on days where I didn't have enough milk from the previous day's pumping sessions, or for visits to grandma's, Mondays (so that I wouldn't have to pump on the weekend) and all the other times I might need a little extra. I ended up having over 400 oz in a freezer (a freezer we bought especially for breast milk storage). I'm committed and determined to breast feed my child. My body on the other hand, seems to have other plans. I finally needed to pull out some of the milk from the freezer last week. Low and behold, every bag I pulled out wreaked of soured milk. Some of them smelled like spit up, some smelled like metal, some just smelled so bad I couldn't even describe it.

Bag after bag of frozen breast milk turned rancid smelling and the taste was so bad I wanted to puke just testing it from my finger tip... I finally began to understand why my daughter wasn't eating during the day. I have excess lipase in my breast milk. Meaning, that as soon as I pump, the clock starts running on how long I have before the taste of my breast milk starts to turn. Some sites describe the taste as soapy, or metallic. Mine was metallic and spit up taste combined. For me, I typically pump at work, and then use the milk from today for her to drink tomorrow. Unfortunately, by the time she's ready to drink it, my milk has already started to turn (an hour by hour taste test helped me to pin point that my milk starts to turn by hour 22. Not enough for her to make it a full day.)

I want to make it clear, that breast milk with excess lipase is perfectly fine and safe for babies to drink. It only tastes bad, which is why some babies won't drink it. Some don't mind the taste and will drink it. My daughter will not.

I began to panic. I cried, I sobbed, and I had a total melt down. All those hours of pumping, all the lost sleep, all the work that went into making that stash. All that milk. I now understand why my daughter has been stuck on a reverse cycle for over two months!!

Then I got online and started researching. I was clearly not alone. Tons of nursing mothers have had this same problem. A friend of mine from my mommy group also had excess lipase, so I had a starting point for what to look for. I found out that it could be more than excess lipase, that it could possibly be chemical oxidation. If you're nursing and you've never heard of either of these (like me) then I'll give you the nutshell version. They both make your milk taste bad. But they do it because of different reasons.

Excess lipase is an over abundance of the enzyme (lipase) in your breast milk that helps break down the fats for digestion. It basically has so much, that it breaks it down too fast and starts to turn the milk before your baby can drink it when it's been expressed. The time frame varies from woman to woman, and I was unable to find information on why it happens. It may not happen each time a woman has a baby either. So if you've had it once, you might not have it next time. Chemical oxidation on the other hand, makes your milk taste bad due to the process of pumping/storing and what you put into your body. If your refrigerator isn't cold enough (32-39 degrees F) then your milk might be turning faster, and can make you think you have excess lipase when that really isn't the case. If you have city water with a lot of chemicals in it, these might also affect your milk because of how you wash and sterilize your bottles and pumping equipment. If you eat an excessive amount of polyunsaturated fat then you can also have chemical oxidation from this as well (from what limited information I was able to find).

To be honest, it frustrated the hell out of me knowing that it could be multiple reasons. The first thing I did was review my storage process. I started with the fridge. I bought a fridge thermometer and found out my fridge was at 42 degrees. Not cold enough to keep breast milk. I was also keeping my milk on the top shelf toward the front. We now keep it on a lower shelf in the back, since the thermometer revealed that as the coldest place in the fridge. I had been washing all my gear in regular tap water. I bought distilled water for rinsing and sanitizing and boiled them each night for a week. Turned down the temp. Moved the milk. Sterilized everything. Nothing changed. I was pretty sure it was excess lipase at this point, but wanted to be sure, as it would make a big commitment on my part to keep pumping milk. I then did the last test I could figure out... I scalded the milk. I read that scalding the milk will make milk that has chemical oxidation taste even worse because it further breaks down the milk and it will turn even faster. However, if you have excess lipase, your milk will taste fine after scalding and will last longer than it does without scalding.

My fridge and kitchen looked like a laboratory. I used 3 tubes of 2.5 oz containers of breast milk. The first (control) contained milk that was pumped and put straight into the fridge. The second, contained milk that was pumped, put in the fridge at work, brought home, scalded to 180 degrees, then put back into the fridge. The third contained milk that was pumped, scalded immediately, and then put in the fridge. The fist container turned before 24 hours was up. The second, didn't have that taste to it, and lasted 4 days before I tossed it, The third came out the same as the second and lasted 4 days before I tossed it. Both may have lasted longer, but I just needed to know if I could salvage milk pumped on Fridays to be used on Mondays.  It just proved that I could scald either immediately, or wait till I got home from work. I had read mixed reviews about this though, that the additional cooling and heating could break down the milk further, and to try to do it right away if possible.

But I work... full time.... so how the heck was I going to make that happen? I already take so much time away from my desk a day to pump. Then I ran across a blog that gave the best advice ever. I couldn't believe how easy this was going to be, and why I didn't think of it myself!

So you have excess lipase?

You don't have to stop breast feeding/pumping. It is still possible to do it, and to still have enough to freeze. It will just require an extra step on your part. If you work full time like I do, this means you'll need even more equipment at work, and I'd suggest letting HR know what's going on. Mine was super accommodating and said to do whatever I needed to do and to not stress about it. They know I'm aiming for one year, and that I'm the kind of employee that will make up the work. Only 7 more months to go right?

What to do about it:

Buy an instant read digital thermometer, bottle warmer without an auto shut off feature, and a stainless steel bottle. When you pump at work, pour the milk into the stainless steel bottle immediately, and then scald the milk in a bottle warmer, and pull it off as soon as it hits 180 degrees. I then cool the milk under running cold water until it's cold enough to put into glass bottles (I found that for me personally the glass absorbs smell and bacteria less than the plastic ones, and Dr. Browns glass bottles are the same fit as my Medela pump). Then I put them in the fridge at work until I go home. It does add on time, and I get everything ready to go while pumping. (Double check with your HR department to make sure your work's fire alarm system won't be activated by the hot steam just in case). As soon as I'm done, I pour the milk into the stainless steel bottle, and then start the bottle warmer. I clean up while it's heating up. Then I only have a couple more min before it reaches the right temp. I unplug the bottle warmer and dump the rest of the hot water from it. Bring a towel, since 180 degrees is very hot. You will need to cool the milk as soon as you heat it. Don't let it sit to get cool. This information was super helpful:

Cooling down heat-treated milk: Cooked foods have a ‘danger zone,’ a temperature range from 60ºC/140ºF to 4ºC/39ºF where bacteria like to grow. It is therefore important to cool milk down quickly after it has been heated. Cooling the container in ice water is the quickest way to cool milk. Depending on the amount of milk, cooling it in the refrigerator is generally not recommended as the milk will cool unevenly, leaving some milk too warm for too long. Please know that not all glass is suited for heating and rapid cooling. (see source number 3 below)

This great note from Kelly Mom was very helpful for me:

What can I do if my storage problem is due to excess lipase? Once the milk becomes sour or rancid smelling/tasting, there is no known way to salvage it. However, newly expressed milk can be stored by heating the milk to a scald to inactivate the lipase and stop the process of fat digestion. Scald the milk as soon after expression as possible.

To scald milk:
Heat milk to about 180 F (82 C), or until you see little bubbles around the edge of the pan (notto a full, rolling boil).
Quickly cool and store the milk.

Scalding the milk will destroy some of the antiinfective properties of the milk and may lower some nutrient levels, but this is not likely to be an issue unless all of the milk that baby is receiving has been heat-treated.

Per Lawrence & Lawrence, bile salt-stimulated lipase can also be destroyed by heating the milk at 144.5 F (62.5 C) for one minute (p. 205), or at 163 F (72 C) for up to 15 seconds (p. 771).

I find that I'm able to let pumped milk from Friday at work, sit without issue, and without being frozen, in the fridge until Mondays when she drinks it. After being scalded and cooled immediately, the milk is able to survive the weekend.

If you have chemical oxidation, here is what you can do about it:

Cut out all polyunsaturated fat and rinse all pump parts/bottles with distilled water. Make sure you sanitize your bottles and pump equipment every time you use them in distilled water. Also use a soap that is phosphate free (medela breastmilk soap is what I used). Some sites also recommend that beta carotene and vitamin E need to be increased in your diet (be careful as I've read that these can be toxic in the wrong doses).

What do I do with all that frozen milk with excess lipase?

If you found out late in the game, and have a big freezer stash like me? Consider donating to a legitimate milk bank... be careful, as most hospitals can only accept through one of these places since they do a blood screen (their cost, not yours) and the milk is pasteurized so that they can still use it. NICU babies often are tube fed, so they won't have to taste the bad flavor, but can still receive the benefits. Some places are "milk banks" that charge the recipients. You can read more about this here. Don't trust these places, as they don't go to the families in need. There are only 14 legitimate milk banks in the US that hospitals receive this milk from. You can find them here.

Amazing resources:

1.  http://sdbfc.com/blog/2012/9/4/battling-and-resolving-excess-lipase-in-breastmilk.html

2.  http://simplythoroughmama.com/2012/07/on-not-crying-over-spilled-milk/

3.  http://www.eatsonfeetsresources.org/?page_id=485

4.  http://forums.llli.org/showthread.php?115946-Excess-Lipase-vs-Chemical-Oxidation

5.  http://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/milkstorage/lipase-expressedmilk/

"I Support You"

Before I became a mother, I never gave a second thought to breastfeeding or formula feeding moms. I never really thought about why someone would choose one over the other, or that there might not even be a choice for some. This week has brought about a slew of articles, information, and great resources for those who are breastfeeding. In addition, it has also drawn attention to the gap between those who nurse, and those who formula feed.

A campaign is under way called "I Support You." The original post talks about how we as mothers tend to judge each other in regards to our choice of feeding. I have chosen to breastfeed. I am not anti formula feeding. I just always imagined myself nursing, and have always wanted that bond and closeness for me and my daughter. I could not imagine giving someone dirty looks or rude comments for feeding their baby. If I want others to not do these things to me, then I too have to support your right to feed your baby any way that you can.

Kim Simon from Mama by the Bay, Suzanne Barston from Fearless Formula Feeder, and Jamie-Lynne Grumet from I Am Not The Babysitter have drafted the I Support You movement, meant to bridge the gap between formula-feeding and breastfeeding mothers; spreading the notion that we’re all feeding our children with love; by breastfeeding, formula feeding, however. 1.

“We are standing together, and we’re asking you to stand up with us. You, at the La Leche League meeting. You, in the lactation consultant’s office, perfecting your newborn’s latch. You, in the Nordstrom’s dressing room, nursing quietly on the couch. You, at your older son’s baseball game, nursing openly in the bleachers. You, who have cried rivers of tears over your feeding choices, and you, who chose without fear.

I support you.

You, in your hospital gown, asking the nurses for formula. You, shaking a bottle with one arm while your baby snuggles close in the other. You, who have researched the healthiest, most tummy-friendly formulas. You, who pump and mix and combo-feed. You, who have cried rivers of tears over your feeding choices, and you, who chose without fear.

I support you.

You, with your partner, as you feed the baby that you are hoping to adopt. You, who had a mastectomy and are locking eyes with new life. You, who chose your mental health, or your physical health, or your freedom, or your lack of freedom, so that you could feed your baby in a way that protected both of you. You, the Daddy who is finger-feeding your infant. You, the Mommy who lovingly pours formula into a G-Tube. You, at the NICU, pumping your breasts by the light of the machines that are keeping your baby alive. You, with the foster child who you are loving back to health. We see you. You are a part of this conversation too.

We support you.”

Kim Simon says, "World Breastfeeding Week isn’t just about those of us who feed our children from our breasts. We are standing up together to say that it can be about all of us. We are all feeding our children with love. What would this world be like, if instead of the vitriol and the hate, the judgment and the propaganda, we simply said to each other “I Support You”?

“The I Support You movement is a respectful, empathetic, compassionate exchange between parents. We all feed our children differently, but we are all feeding with love, and in ways that work for our individual circumstances and family dynamics. I Support You is the first step in helping formula-feeding, breast-feeding, and combo-feeding parents to come together and lift each other up with kindness and understanding. We have chosen to announce this movement during World Breastfeeding Week, to honor the commitment of those who fight for better support for breastfeeding moms; we are inspired by this, but believe that by changing the focus to supporting all parents, we can truly provoke positive change without putting the needs of some mothers above the needs of others. The “I Support You” movement aims:

1) To bridge the gap between formula-feeding and breastfeeding parents by fostering friendships and interactions.

2) To dispel common myths and misperceptions about formula feeding and breastfeeding, by asking parents to share their stories, and really listening to the truth of their experiences.

3) To provide information and support to parents as they make decisions about how to feed their children.

4) To connect parents with local resources, mentors, and friends who are feeding their children in similar ways.”

-Suzanne Barston and Kim Simon

We’re standing up. We’re reaching out. We’re asking you to tell your truth about how you feed your children. No shame. No embarrassment. We’re going to hold out our hands to give you a high five, because we know how hard this is. We’re going to raise our voices to make sure that you hear “Well done, my friend. Well done.” We need you to stand up with us. We support you. Now who will you support? 

#ISupportYou

This movement is so important, since we as mothers need to stand up for our rights as mothers. We need to stand up to society and tell people that judgement needs to stop. I have no clue how our world has become so divided in our thoughts about feeding children. How have we become so judgmental about feeding our children by breast when it's been done for thousands of years before this without thought? Why with the resurgence of a breastfeeding movement, are mothers now giving each other crap for formula feeding? We all know how hard it is to feed a child... to be solely responsible for the life of a child. Who doesn't need support with that kind of responsibility?

Breastfeeding Week

Today is the start of breastfeeding week, and I feel like a bit of a failure. My husband had to work the morning shift today, and won't be able to bring our baby to visit me at work. This meant that I needed to have enough milk pumped to leave 4 bottles at home. With her drinking 3-4 oz per meal, that would mean I'd need 12-16 oz of expressed milk. I only got 6 oz. Needless to say, I was not able to meet the quota for pumping last night. For the first time ever, I had to break into the freezer stash. It wasn't a good feeling to not be able to produce enough for her to have fresh milk for the day.

In addition, I will go longer today without nursing than I have ever gone before. I hate the idea of being away from my baby for so long, and I know that pumping three times today will not help my low supply issues any.

Keeping my fingers crossed that tomorrow will be a better day.

The Power of Breast Feeding

This story is amazing. I of course was in tears reading it. The power of breast feeding is a truly amazing gift. The benefits are so numerous for both mother and child. There is healing for both.  I just thought this was something that needs to be shared with the world.

Supply and Demand

After being back at work for two full weeks, the start of my third week was…. well… weak. I went from having super boob and slacker boob, to two lazy boobs that decided they wanted to play hooky from work. Monday and Tuesday mornings, I struggled to get 3 oz. Not enough for a bottle for my daughter who usually drinks 3.5-4 oz per bottle.

Now, I know that breast feeding is a supply and demand system. In a nut shell, the more she nurses, the more I’ll make; the less she nurses, the less I’ll make. We all know that a pump is no replacement for a baby. Our babies can drain our breasts more efficiently, and sometimes faster than some of the top end electric pumps. Now that I had been pumping at work, and took the weekend off of pumping (from soreness) my demand had dropped my supply. In a quick effort to kick start my production again, I started taking fenugreek tablets, and drinking lactation smoothies daily. In addition, I've started pumping after she eats at home, and worked in one additional pumping session at night. After only two days of all that work, my supply is back up to what it was. However, this brings me to the conclusion that one year is going to be a very difficult goal.

Between sales meetings running into my pumping time, and having to complete my work while at work (since working from home is a lot less efficient) I have been starting to feel like pumping is getting the short end of the stick. Feeding my daughter is more important to me than anything in the world. As soon as my supply starts to drop, I notice immediately, and kick into mommy stress mode. Which of course, doesn't help make anything better, and can actually drop one’s supply. It makes me wonder, are other mothers jumping through all these hoops to keep the milk flowing? Am I insane to be drinking smoothies and teas, eating copious amounts of oatmeal, and popping fenugreek tablets like vitamins? Probably yes, and surely I can’t be the only one.

I am by no means a lactation consultant, but have received some great advice on how to up your supply from other nursing mothers. If you’re struggling, try to start with the following things:

• Increase your water intake. If you aren't drinking enough, you aren’t making enough. 
• Eat well. If you aren't eating a well-balanced breast feeding friendly diet, then chances are, your body is struggling to balance your needs, and your little ones. 
• Nurse more frequently. It’s simple, a baby that nurses more often, will signal your body to make more milk. You can try to mimic cluster feeding by offering your breast every hour for several hours in a row (like topping off the tank) to help keep the milk flowing. 
• Pump. Yes, it hurts, and we all hate doing it, but pumping after your baby eats, or in between feedings, or getting out of bed late at night to do another session will help your body to keep pumping. Now keep in mind, if you’re pumping at the same time every day, it should make your body start producing at the same time every day. So if you don’t want to keep waking up in the middle of the night forever, try to time it for right after your nightly feeding, or right after your morning feeding. 
• Try a galactagogue. There are tons of herbs and foods that you can eat that naturally help increase your supply. Great info here, and also has great sections on how breast milk production works, as well as how to know if you actually have a low supply: http://www.breastfeeding-problems.com/galactagogues.html
• Visit your local lactation consultant or LLL. Find yours at www.llli.org

If all else fails, talk to your doctor. There are medications and other things they can recommend if your supply has started to dry up.

Embarrassed

A recent article published by the Huffington Post brought to light some major issues regarding breast feeding in public. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/07/hollie-mcnish-breastfeeding-in-public-embarrassed_n_3557230.html) I know it's a touchy subject, so I wanted to address this early on in my blog. I'll put it out there. I feel like a mother should have the right to feed her baby anywhere, anytime, and should never be made to feel embarrassed about feeding her child.

This says it all. "Embarrassed" is spoken word by Hollie McNish, a mother no longer afraid to speak out about breast feeding her child in public. Forced to feed in public bathroom stalls out of fear of comments, dirty looks, and society's pressures against nursing in public, McNish has finally had it. She wrote the words spoken in the video above while nursing her child in a public bathroom stall.

I have to say, this is perhaps one of the most inspiring things I have heard as a new mother. Breast feeding in the US is awkward. Although we legally have the right to breast feed in public now, most mothers still feel the need to cover up. And many of those that do (myself included) still fear that we will be kicked out of stores, restaurants, and other public spaces by people who think that it's "dirty" or "indecent" to breastfeed a child. Let's face it, society can be really hard on a new mother. Constantly telling us how we should raise our children, what, how and where we should feed them. The simple act of feeding our children has become micromanaged by societal pressures. We have allowed strangers to convince us that breastfeeding our children in public is something sexual. Katharine McKinney from the Huffington Post points out rightly that "If you don't support breastfeeding in public, then you don't support breastfeeding." Read the article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katharine-mckinney/breastfeeding-in-public_b_2814004.html

This brings up the greater issue. Since when did America have a problem with breasts? McNish points out that advertising has breasts everywhere. Although we are not the UK, we are often worse when it comes to sex in advertising. It's everywhere. For some reason, our country has assumed that breasts being displayed must be something sexual. Even though the actual purpose and design is intended for feeding our children. How did we make this leap? When did our country become so outraged at seeing an uncovered nursing mother, but doesn't seem to bat an eye at underwear models plastered on billboards, commercials, and magazines? Somehow, our country has equated feeding a child with the same indecency of Janet Jackson flashing the world during a half time Superbowl show.

One of the girls in a mommy group I belong to talked about an encounter she had while nursing in public. A man she didn't know made a comment while walking past her during a nursing session. He said, "hide your shame." Since when did feeding a child become something shameful? I would ask the question, if men in this country are so perverted that they have to make everything about sex, but the sad truth is, that even many women have a problem with nursing in public. Women have become embarrassed of their own bodies. We are shaming each other into covering up, and hiding away in bathroom stalls. We are eating away at an infant's right to eat.

It's not a singular occurrence either. It happens everywhere. Hollister, McDonalds, Facebook, Target, buses, court rooms, government buildings, the mall, the pool, a Delta airline flight, churches, and cafes across America. Mothers are being kicked off of flights and out of stores for nursing. They are being publicly humiliated by Judges in courtrooms, managers in restaurants, and random strangers who think they have a right to dictate when and how a child should be fed. The ironic part? That many of these same strangers are the ones who give dirty looks and comments when a baby is crying uncontrollably in public as well. The nursing mother is damned if she does, damned if she doesn't. We can't win. It feels like some of the most educated people in America are the ones that are helping to perpetuate the belief that nursing in public is "distracting" or "indecent." When a baby gets hungry on a flight, what are we supposed to do? Babies don't just stop being hungry for your convenience. Breastfeeding is necessary. As McNish and McKinney point out, before we had breast pumps, bottles, formula, and before society decided that it was something indecent, it was a necessary act. Breastfeeding is still necessary. Nothing has changed other than the attitudes of individuals.


1.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/07/hollie-mcnish-breastfeeding-in-public-embarrassed_n_3557230.html
2.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katharine-mckinney/breastfeeding-in-public_b_2814004.html

Pumping at Work

I finally returned to work this week. After being off for almost 11 weeks, it was a bitter sweet return. Now, I love my job. Not many people can say that. I have great co workers, the company is very supportive of families, and I genuinely enjoy working. Coming back to work also presented the challenge of pumping three times a day to replace the meals my daughter was eating during the day.

This meant lugging my double electric pump back and forth every day. It meant trying to get a space at the same times every day. It meant storing the milk safely after pumping. I'll be honest, it's a bit awkward. Under the new federal law, since my employer has more than 100 employees, they are required to provide a space that is private, and not a bathroom. I am so grateful for that last provision. I don't know about you, but I hate the idea of eating my food prepared in the bathroom. So the thought of feeding my tiny, helpless little girl a bottle of "bathroom milk" just feels dirty.

Since the law is relatively new, this meant that our office had not yet built a space for lactation breaks. Instead, HR had spoken to the company president, who decided I could use his office. It felt rather strange to find myself in the company president's office, sitting on the floor behind the door, pumping breast milk. Since his office is on the second floor, it has a window overlooking the stairwell. No one can technically see in, but I'm still super paranoid (being my first week, I'm sure this is natural) that someone will see me. Hence, the sitting on the floor.

The logistics of pumping are rather daunting. I felt pressured to hurry up. Not from anyone in the office, but from the guilt of being away from my desk. It's impossible to rush lactation. The milk will come when it comes, and stop when it stops. This means including set up, and clean up, and the actual pumping time, that I could be away from my desk for about 25 minutes. That adds up over the course of the day. I spoke with HR, and informed them that I'd be taking my breaks in conjunction with my lactation breaks, to minimize the time I spent away from my desk. None the less, I still felt bad. But what can I do? My little girl's got to eat!

I'm very fortunate that my first week back to work, my husband brought our daughter to my office on my lunch break each day. Since he works swing shifts, he's home with her during the day. This meant one less pumping session I had to do each day. So far, I've only had to do twice a day, and it always feels strange to me. Plus, she generally does the work much quicker than the pump does.

The good news, I survived the first week. I worry so much about my supply dropping, not being able to keep up with her needs, and about eventually having to supplement. I hate that idea so much. Now, I know there are many women who choose formula for a variety of reasons. Either they couldn't nurse, their supply just didn't come in, or things didn't work out. Some just choose formula from the start. I'm not bashing moms who choose this route. We all do what we have to do. But for me personally, I want to avoid formula more than anything in the world. I will likely write a post soon about my thoughts and views of formula. However, this is not that post.

I think the most challenging part of the week was finding a consistent space. I can't always expect the company president to not be busy, or on the phone, or even in his office at the same times every day. Since my daughter usually eats sometime between 8:00 and 9:00, I aim for an 8:30 am session. Then again at 11 or 11:30, and one more time between 1:00 and 2:00. Unfortunately, this week I ended up pumping in the HR manager's office once (president was just not there, and the door was locked), and also did a dreaded bathroom pump. I had no other choice, as the HR office was closed, the president was gone, and another co worker with a private office was out of town. I hated it. I hated every minute of pumping in the bathroom, but after going 4 hours, I was starting to feel painfully full. As a result, I purchased a car adapter for my pump, and the president of the company gave me a key to prevent it from happening again.

After I pumped, I stored my milk in the cooler, in my co worker's private fridge. I am so lucky that these guys don't mind my awkward jokes about not wanting someone to confuse it with creamer. It's hard not to have a sense of humor when you feel like a milking cow hooked up to a machine two to three times a day.

The Goal

When my husband and I first found out we were having a baby, we were super excited and couldn't wait to welcome her into the world. Now, at 11 weeks old, I can only say that the excitement then is nothing compared to the daily joy of holding her in my arms. She truly is the best thing that's ever happened to me. The story of our pregnancy was fairly typical to that of most pregnant mothers in the United States. I found out I was pregnant at about 6 weeks along, and confirmed my pregnancy with my OB/GYN. I had been seeing the same doctor since I was 19, and had figured that was just the way that things were done.

Late in the second trimester, my husband and I watched a documentary called, "The Business of Being Born." Game changer. I had always planned on going as natural as I possibly could. A lot of people would side eye me on this, and say things like, "yeah right, you'll see when you're in the hospital." I didn't like hearing those things, because to me, I had the mindset that giving birth had been done for thousands of years before me, and the idea of medical intervention was relatively new in the grand scheme of things. So the great hunt began.

I went on a quest to find a midwife that would still take me on. I was very lucky to find one in the town I live in, and not too far from work. Our first meeting made me feel a bit awkward, as the concept of a midwife felt foreign to me. I loved her from that beginning though. She put me at ease, suggested some readings, explained how a midwife works, and what her roll would be in helping to bring my little girl into the world. She encouraged me to find a doula (professional labor coach) and asked how involved my husband planned to be. The questions just felt right. So of course, I switch from an OB/GYN hospital birth plan, to a midwife assisted birthing center plan. I'm very fortunate that my state allows free standing birth centers, and a great one was only about 45 minutes from our home.

One of the topics that our midwife brought up frequently was what concerns I might have. Like most first time mothers, I was so nervous about breast feeding. I'd heard horror stories about people who couldn't make milk for their babies. I'd had a relative who's milk didn't come in for 6 days, and supplementing with formula was recommended. I'd read articles about the benefits of breast feeding, and about the concerns of formula fed babies. For some reason, our country has been divided. I felt like I would be shamed for feeding my child the way my body was designed to do. I wasn't sure if I would be able to, but I told my midwife I want to breast feed for at least the first year.

Now, considering that I have a full time job, I knew this was going to be one of the biggest challenges for me. My midwife assured me that if I was serious, that I could definitely make that happen. 11 weeks in, and we're still going strong. I've returned to work this week, and have come to the realization that we have very limited support or knowledge of breast feeding in this country. The goal and purpose of my blog is to document the struggles, challenges, and rewards of breast feeding my child for at least the first year of her life. It won't always be easy, but I know there are others out there struggling to achieve their own goals. Whatever yours may be, I welcome your support and encouragement, and am right there beside you nursing on.